misAdventures of Workmonkey 3.0

Fat alcoholic Mark Anderson has confirmed his endorsement for Senator Barack Obama of Illinois. Barack did not solict Anderson's endorsement, and spokemen from the Obama camp said they were unaware of the fat alcoholic's very existence. At a press conference at Brooklyn Heights, attended only by Jillian Cordes, Anderson expressed his confidence that Obama has what it takes to redeem our nation from eight long years of Republican disgrace and mismanagement. Clutching a 16-ounce-can of Bud Light, Mark preached, "That dude's favorite show is SportsCenter. How sweet is that?" When asked about Hillary, Mark farted and then said, "Look at that old white chick. Seriously, look at her. She reminds you of that annoying principal in high school who tried to pump up the students at a pep rally in the gym by awkwardly pumping her fists and saying things like 'let me hear you get loud class of '97!' Are we seriously supposed to vote for that stiff?"

The fat alcoholic's endorsement was not sought over by any candidates, particularly considering Anderson's inability to register early enough to vote in the primary. When pressed for reaction to his endorsement, Senator Obama shook his head confusedly and moved on to the next question.

For the past few weeks i've received frequent emails concerning the birth and growth of little baby Robert. Little baby Robert, you say? Yes, I also have no idea who little baby Robert is. Or his parents, for that matter. Somehow his father thinks I'm a guy named Chuck McDaniel. I received the first proud email from Peter (Robert's dad, we're on a first name basis now) from his iPhone moments after his young son was born. By the time I 'd even seen that email, i'd already received two additional emails with updates and pictures. I haven't told Robert of his confusion, as that'd seem a bit awkward after all these emails. I do feel a bit badly for Chuck McDaniel, who clearly is in the dark regarding the birth of baby Robert, but hey, I too am invested in little baby Robert. I eagerly await the emails and pictures to see how the little one is progressing. To date, I've received nine emails, with subject lines including "Robert again, just hit delete if you don't want to see this angel!" and "Robert relaxing by the pool" and "Robert in his khakis". I've now seen Robert in more locations and wardrobe changes than I have my own nieces or nephew. In addition to pictures, I also receive general emails, which are somewhat mysterious, as I attempt to piece together the life story of Peter. Once such email was:

Just a reminder.....Daytona 500 here tomorrow (Sunday) at 1:00. We heated the pool for our Canadian house guests, so bring your bathing suit.

Canadian guests? What could that mean. And where is this pool in the middle of February that is close to Canada? Or was he saying he had Canadian visitors that had flown in. Could it be Southern California? Georgia? Probably the somewhere in the South if they are having a Daytona 500 party.

Then, I received another email, furthering the mystery. It read:

Is there some way that one of you can send me the video of the girls skiing? I wanted to show it to the Canadians.

These Canadians making an appearance again. Almost like this is drug-code. Canadiens actually being Columbians, skiing being cocaine, and the girls being the delivery guys. This last email provided a bit more clarification, as the emails domain included "tampabay.rr.com", which fits the previous profile of pools and car racing.

Anyway, i've been mired in a work slog lately that explains my lack of postings. Besides commenting furiously on every political article I read, these emails are all I have time for, so I thought I'd share some of the joy with you. Pictures of baby Robert are below: