misAdventures of Workmonkey 3.0

Okay, I've had about enough of these ridiculous government-funded studies on sociology for a lifetime. The recent study published on Yahoo News reports the astonishing analysis that violent lyrics may cause somewhat aggressive thoughts. I mean, shit. Who proposed this study? The same group that recently reported that binge drinking among college students may cause increased sexual activity? The same group that reported that children who eat fast food and drink soda every day have a more likely chance of becoming obese than children who exercise? Let's just chalk up certain things to common sense, and not have studies on these things. Many of you reading this could have told the scientific community that you are more apt to want to have sex after seven beers than after zero. You could have told the government that when you eat Arby's and curly fries and wash it down with a couple of Sierra Nevadas, you put on an extra pound or two. And I certainly could have told the government that when I hear a Dre lyric telling me to beat a bitch that don't suck good dick, my thoughts may be a bit more aggressive than when I listen to Van Morrison. Maybe we could study how driving skills are affected when your head is covered with a paper bag. Or study how breathing is affected when a fat chinese woman sits on your face. Teachers are losing their jobs and the unemployment rate is higher than it has been in years, and fuckers are getting paid to study how lyrics about sex make people more apt to think about sex. I am in the wrong industry. In a side note, I am looking for volunteers for a study I submitted to the government that they recently approved. I'll need you to eat your boogers for twenty straight days to see it causes weight gain, as I have long suspected. Email me if interested.